Saturday, February 04, 2006

Neocon humor

Over @, Larry Elder writes his own version of the SOTU. He thinks this is just a laugh riot:

My fellow Americans, I am evil.

I only care about rich people, and rich people only care about other rich people -- unless, of course, your name is Kennedy. In fact, it is misleading to say that I only care about the rich. I truly only care about Republican, white, Christian males who are rich.

I would say that I am truly the president of Halliburton, except I'm having the darndest time spelling the word "Halliburton." I'm corrupt, incompetent and racist.
I stole the election in 2000. I conspired with the governor of Florida to steal votes. The governor of Florida just happens to be my brother. I stole the election in Ohio in 2004 by conspiring with my buddies at Diebold, who make the voting machines, which they rigged in my favor. When you think about it, those white boys at Diebold, well, they're my brothers, too.
Sen. Ted Kennedy is right. I lied us into the war. Repeatedly. I intentionally sent men and women in harm's way, so that I could be a wartime president, because -- unlike Michael Dukakis -- I sure look spiffy in a flight suit. As Sen. John Kerry puts it, our military terrorizes Iraqi civilians. Meanwhile, I should tell you the real reasons for going into the war: to steer defense contracts to my buddies; to get the SOBs who tried to kill my daddy; to engage in torture; to find a justification to spy on American citizens who have no connection to terrorism whatsoever; and to send soldiers into the field with no body armor and no exit strategy.

Oh, yeah. ROTFLMAO stuff.

Perhaps Elder was the guy who wrote the "those WMDs must be around here somewhere" skit that slayed at the Radio & Televions Correspondent's dinner a couple of years back. Or the DOJ opinion justifying warrantless eavesdropping, or Alito's CAP dodge. Comedic gems all.


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