Tuesday, May 17, 2005

How to punk the press

1. Do evil things (hereinafter, the "Evil"). Systematically physically and psychologically torturing illegally held prisoners, for example. Or desecrating the Koran as part and parcel thereof.

2. When you discover that the media has the story on the Evil, have an unnamed official leak an inflammatory but highly specific fact that is emblematic of the Evil -- e.g., that at a specific place, a specific incident of Evil (hereinafter, the "Bad Thing") happened. Flushing the Koran down a toilet in Gitmo, just to pull an example out of thin air.

3. Wait for a news outlet to report the the Evil, which includes the Bad Thing.

4. Observe shit hitting fan.

5. Officially deny the Bad Thing, scrupulously avoiding larger questions re: the Evil.

6. Have unnamed offical back away from story re: the Bad Thing.

7. Observe all other news outlets feasting on entrails of news outlet that reported the Bad Thing.

8. Enjoy atmosphere in which (a) no one dares to speak of the Evil, which you never denied, and (b) news outlets fall prostrate in efforts to remove all vestiges of blasphemous "liberal bias" from their sycophantic coverage of White House talking points.



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