Sunday, July 10, 2005

Is conservative snark an oxymoron?

When I want a quick pick-me-up giggle, I often wander on over to JimmyJeff GannonGuckert's place. Today I found him again imitating his betters, this time by trying to do snark:
International incident averted
Vandals broke into a New York state Catholic church and urinated in the holy water. No claims of desecration were made because an investigation revealed that there was not a copy of the Koran in the baptismal font and no American soldiers were involved. Senator Dick Durbin had no comment.

I hadn't thought about the point until reading this weak-ass nonsense, but has anyone else noticed that there just isn't any good conservative snark? Seems to me that if the would-be snarker isn't fairly bright and well-read, what you get is kinda like an eggless souffle - most of the ingredients are there, but it just won't stand up. And so, as in this case, you get a typically ham-fisted bit of drool that makes exactly the opposite point from that intended. To wit: the teens responsible for this nastiness were charged with multiple felonies for their actions. The fact that the American soldiers who desecrated Korans are likely, given past practice, to get the Medal of Freedom, and that there might be something wrong with both acts, escapes his feeble grasp.

Can anyone show me a successful example of right-wing snark? Bueller? Anyone?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you think they actually urinated IN the holee water or did they pee in a pop bottle and pour it into the holee water? And how do you think they found out?

Oh, I forgot... I saw the pictures. JimmyJeffGannonGuckert is THE expert on urination, isn't he??

9:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

$2k/weekend and Jimmy-Jeff-Jingleheimer-Schmidt will show any man a 'golden' time. The reviews prove it!

10:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guckert is fascinated with urine. He even put pics of himself urinating on the web!

Watersports Queen!

11:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too make a daily excursion to his site for a laugh. It's kind of fun to read his lame attempts at Fox-style punditry as he slips into total irrelevancy. I wonder how long it'll be before he's back keeping the books at some auto repair shop and trying to sell his pee-pee services on the Web.

2:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, but that's some little league snark you got there. Want to swing your bat in the bigs? Well, best you learn from the best. For example:

Bill O'Reilly: "shut up while I make some shit up".

Ann Coulter: "God hates liberals and Democrats make the Baby Jesus cry".

Jerry Falwell: "Gays, 9/11 was your fault, you traitorous icky sodomites! You make me puke, but I sure do love you. Gotta love the sinner, right? For me, it's all about me. Me and my love. My christian love. Bask ye gays, verily in Jerry's love. My sweet sweet love".

Pat Robertson: "Ah-ah-ah kill-kill-kill judge-judge-judge".

Tom DeLay: "I'm not a doctor, but I play one badly on TV".

George W: "I'm a President. It's hard work, being a President. I have to think each day. Every single day I have a thought".

Gannon the Cannon, you gotta work on your stroke.

4:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I gotta confess that the line that cracked me up more than any other in the presidential debates was Bush's "wanna buy some wood?"

7:13 AM  
Blogger AbbieX said...

Just a reminder...the more hits he gets, the more advertisers he'll attract...put him out of business, avoid his site.

8:36 AM  

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