Like a damned fiddle

Zawahiri tells Bush to admit Iraq defeat

"Al-Qaeda number two Ayman al-Zawahiri called on US President George W. Bush to 'admit defeat' in Iraq, saying any future US troop withdrawal would be a 'victory' for Islam, in a video broadcast by Al-Jazeera.

'Bush, you must admit that you have been defeated in Iraq and that you are being defeated in Afghanistan and that you will soon be defeated in Palestine, with the help and strength of God,' said Zawahiri, sitting with an assault rifle at his side.

'Today I congratulate and bless the Islamic nation for the victory of Islam in Iraq,' he said. 'You remember, my Muslim brothers, saying to you more than a year ago that the departure of Americans from Iraq was only a matter of time.'"

If Al Qaeda actually wanted to change the status quo -- the one in which they are kicking our ass, tying us up in knots, recruiting with ease, and finding lots of Iraqis who might not like them, but like us even less -- do you really think they would be stupid enough to flap their red capes in front of our bull-stupid Preznit? Of course not. They want us to stay, and they know that this kind of provocation is tailor-made to push Lord Numbnuts to go that way.

As I argued some time ago, we are the ones caught in the flypaper now, and Al Qaeda enjoys our predicament very much.

But if I were a teensy bit more of a conspiracy theory type, I would try to argue that Dubya dialed up his friend in Tora Bora and said, "O-Ben, good buddy, I'm havin' trouble keeping folks scaird enough lately. If them Cindy Sheehan-types force us to hightail it out of Iraq, we both lose. So howsabout you help me whip up a good 'ol shitstorm here, and we can keep this square dance goin' another coupla years?"