Stupidity in a can

Sure. I had a 'Sclade, with dubs. But I still sometimes felt, you know.. inadequate.

So then I traded in on a Hummer. Getting 8 miles per gallon while driving solo in an 8,000-pound vehicle makes my package swell, but sometimes I still feel kinda small. See, I get kinda carsick if the road isn't smooth, and all the really butch guys go off-road with their rides. My package shrank every time I rolled up to the corner Starbucks in my virgin ride and saw the streaks and clods of of real environmental destruction all over the big boys' rides.

Well, my manhood has been revived by one crafty Brit, who is selling the answer to my prayers: Spray-on Mud:

For owners who don't want it to look like they're driving an unnecessary gas-guzzler, a little splash signals that the vehicle spends time tackling the back country.

The product is the brainchild of Colin Dowse, a businessman from Shropshire, England, a village close to the Welsh border.

"Spray-On Mud is an urban camouflage designed to give the impression that you are a serious off-roader,'' he said.

Dowse, a Web designer, came up with the idea about a year ago while sharing a few pints with friends at a local pub.

It's genuine local dirt -- strained to remove stones and other debris -- mixed with water and a secret ingredient that Dowse says helps it stick to a vehicle's bodywork.

...Dowse said he can barely keep up with Internet sales of the product at $14.50 a quart.