Tuesday, October 04, 2005

World Serious

My apologies to Mr. Bluememe in advance if this off-topic post spoils his big day. Really, I haven't seen him this excited since that time in college when he got back to his dorm room and there was this naked co-ed with a rolled up twenty and a bunch of....um....uh...

Well, anyways. Dr. Bloor Handicaps Your Base-Ball Playoff Clubs

Note:Not for wagering purposes.Not only would that be unlawful, I haven’t a clue as to how to lay odds on any sporting event, and I haven’t called a winner in any major election, sporting event or reality TV show since Nixon whacked McGovern.

On the Senior Circuit:

San Diego (You can’t count that high-1): Be serious—they’d have finished in fifth place in the East Division. And any team that has ever forced the likes of Dave Winfield and Tony Gwynn to wear brown uniforms is dealing with a hex that makes the Curse of the Bambino look like a lame parlor trick. They look like they belong in Carol Brady's kitchen.
Dave Winfield - Padres, batting -   Poster (photo print)

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Houston Astros (20-1):How many pitching arms did you say Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite have? One each? Buh-bye.

Atlanta Braves (8-1):For all my ineptitude in calling a winner, the Braves have been my most reliable loser.A solid club with the worst short-series record in recent memory, particularly puzzling since they turn over big chunks of the team every few years.

St. Louis Cardinals (3-1): If the pitching staff decides the vacation is over, it’s all theirs.Besides, I would never, ever say anything that might upset Albert Pujols. I picked them to take it all last year, and I still think I was right.

In the American League:

Chicago White Sox (15-1): A fine, fine team. But, no. If you think putting Dave Winfield in chocolate brown lays a curse on you, it ain’t nothing like putting Goose Gossage in shorts. Although capturing Bucky Fucking Dent (top left) in this clownsuit for posterity may shave a few years off of purgatory, these guys will never win another series.

Boston Red Sox (12-1):You thought they were going to put you out of your misery early this year, didn’t you? Tim Wakefield could conceivably pitch every game of the series, which might be their best chance.

California Los Angeles Angels (6-1):The dark horse. I know little about them, except that Bartolo Colon is one tough sumbitch, and no one else in the playoffs seems to want a piece of them.That’s enough for me.

New York Yankees (4-1):The most interesting team to think deep thoughts about on the eve of the playoffs.They’re exactly where everyone knew they’d be in April, but proved yet again that getting there is far more interesting than being there. Pavano? DOA.Wright?Meet Steve Trout. A million kittens for the blogger who can (a) prove that they knew of Aaron Small’s existence in April and (b) picked him to run the table for the Yankees.

Series: Cards over the Yanks in six. Sorry, Mr. LaRussa.


Blogger bluememe said...

Doc: Your HTML had more junk in it than a Phil Niekro frame. Took me forever to clean it up.

Whatever you were doing, please cease and desist.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Dr. Bloor said...

Cut-n-paste outta Word. As usual, it's Bill Gates's fault.

2:49 PM  
Blogger Tony said...

I'll take some of that 15-1 White Sox action.

4:20 PM  

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